We are not sure what to do next so we try doing what we were told to do bigger in hopes it will work, pull harder, kick more, bigger tools, bigger anger. Teachers are teaching what they do and yet, when we do something from a scared, tense, or confused mental place, it doesn’t really matter what we do because it most likely won’t work or it creates other problems that we now need to solve. I think this is why you meet horse people who are fantastic with horses, and yet, you don’t see their students have the same ability. Not everyone is ready for this work, but those that are will be asked to change their mindset of who they are not what they do with horses. We need to be wiling to change our mindset, to change our beliefs, and ride and work without arrogance and pride being at the forefront of how we handle difficult situations. If our mind believes that the only way we can get what we want is through force, by making it happen for ourselves, by being bullied or bulling, by either hurting or being hurt, we will sadly never get to connect to the horse, and maybe we might not even get to connect fully to others. AND, I do think that in order to work with horses where we create partnership, mutual respect, and one with no violence or aggression going either way, we have to check in with our beliefs and mindset because at the end of the day, horse whispering isn’t something we DO, its a state of mind. After contemplating that statement from Nevzorov and, frankly, many other horse whispers who have said the very same thing, I respectfully disagree.
Upon reading his book, The Horse Crucified and Risen, which is a very controversial read, he states that he thinks only a very limited few are able to do this work with horses at liberty and with the horses’ permission. What he is able to do with horses is simply beautiful and in total harmony with the horse. Nevzorov, one of the last whispers she meets in Russia, is able to combine relaxation and power in the horse with partnership and the effects are breathtaking. For those interested in this work, it is a must see. She goes around the world meeting some of the best horse whisperers of our time. In the documentary, Path of the Horse, a woman named Stormy May goes on a journey to find a better way of working with horses. We need to know the rules of relationship, the do’s and don’ts, before we can become more subtle and establish how we will be in our time together, but boundaries don’t need to be angry or aggressive.
Boundaries are what allow us to get to know each other more and on a deeper level. Don’t get me wrong, horses need boundaries, just like us. Once we start that path, it is very difficult to get off of it (but not impossible!). Since we often establish a relationship based on control right off the bat with horses, the response is usually “or else I hurt you.” The problem with this is that it turns very ugly very quick and we now need to communicate through pain. This works up to a point, but then the horse asks us back, “or else what?” and we need to respond. Over the years, I noticed that we work with horses a little bit as if we were a prison guard - the idea being that they need to do what we want… or else. The feedback has been mixed (to my semi-surprise.) I know some folks believe that they should be kept separate, that our problems have no place in the saddle, and what possible good could come from talking in the tack? Trust me, I am no stranger to these comments and for me, my life passion is about respectfully challenging the ways we do things, the way we treat our horses, the way we treat our friends, family, community, and ourselves. As of May 1st, I announced that I would no longer be offering either horse training or therapy but that Spirit Horse will now combine the best of both. Lately I have been having some wonderful discussions about the difference between horse training and therapy.